Stop and smell the.... weeds?

 

Ok, so I started. I didn't write yesterday but I did run. 2.49 miles in about 3 days, 22 hours, 15 minutes, and 39 seconds.  Maybe I'm exaggerating just a little bit. It was slow but it wasn't microscopic snail slow.  This morning I ran again despite the overcast weather and rain when I first started. Thankfully the rain didn't last long and I was determined not to quit on day 2 of my reinvention. That would just be sad and pathetic. 

This morning's run was slow and plodding, as result of heavy legs and sore muscles despite the short distance run yesterday. But hey, this is about celebrating a victorious two day comeback to fitness and healthy living. So whoo hooo!  

I ran 2.26 miles this morning, and according to Strava it was at a blistering pace of 12:45/mile.  Mile 1 was at 12:36/mile and mile two slowed to 12:46.  However, being within 15 seconds per mile of each other I'll call that a victory (I'm just looking for reasons to celebrate here).  

Now, for the honesty part. I paused the timer on Strava to stop and smell the roses. Well, there were no roses but there were a lot of wildflowers. One thing I have learned in the 35 years I have been pursuing health and fitness is that you have to find joy in what you are doing or what the hell is the point!?!  I love flowers and even these flowers, that many people consider weeds, add so much beauty and diversity. I love that they provide food for pollinators and are part of the habitat for an array of beneficial insects. I run past thousands of these things on the side of the road, on trails, and rarely ever give them one second's thought or consideration. Today however, they caught my attention and I stopped to smell them, photograph them, and then continued trudging. 

Bee Balm

Queen Anne's Lace

More Bee Balm

Now I have two days down. My legs are sore and tomorrow's excuse will be that I am hurting and need some recovery time.  But really, I can recover on Sunday and use that as my designated recovery day. The goal is to run on Friday and Saturday. I'm proud to announce that my diet has been spot on as well the last two days. Am I losing weight? I don't know, I'll check on Monday morning and let you know. Really, at this point, the name of the game is getting out there and being active. This is more about establishing sustainable habits. Once I've got that down, I'll start obsessing over the scale. This is, after all, a blog entitled "In the Long Run". It's about endurance and never quitting. While I did say that getting started is a big piece of the fight, the real fight is never quitting. So here's to two days with the goal of never having to start again!  

Lost in the Woods

 I forgot I even had this blog. I was going to do this cool thing where I kept track of my fitness journey and talked about the trials and successes of running each day. Life is hard and keeping your body fit and healthy is but one of those difficult tasks most of us struggle with in some way. I also think that running is a metaphor for about everything in life. Top it all off with today's social media driven culture where we only see the highpoints of our friend's and family's life through the social media façade filter. It's hard to see everyone we love and care about thriving on social media but our own life feels like one big failure after another. The truth is that we all know that other people struggle, but outside of our most intimate relationships we rarely see the struggles of others. When we do, a lot of times its that exceptional story about the individual that overcome insane obstacles and rose to the very top in spectacular fashion and now has a viral story that everyone on the planet has seen and is talking about.  That is why I wanted to write this blog. A normal guy, that runs, and has a real life. But I posted twice and then life happened, I got busy, this wasn't important, and it never got done.  

Do you know what the difference is between the average person and the most spectacular successes in the world? Well, lots of things to be honest. Almost all of it has to do with drive. But for starters, they started. I know so many talented people that have amazing skills and abilities. But they don't believe in themselves or their abilities or their dreams. So they talk about their dreams and what they would like to do someday but they never actually start down the road to success. Or, if they do start, they get about two blog posts in and then quit. The spectacular successes, start and then never quit no matter what. Life is not often very pretty. The things that do seem pretty and sparkly came about because someone slaved through the muck to make it that way. Beautiful stories have ugly histories attached to them. But they always have a starting point. So, the thesis of this particular paragraph is just get out and get started on what ever it is that you have been putting off forever.   

I just turned 47 years old last week. I had triple bypass surgery at 41. That changed my whole life. But not as much as it should have. First, I got medically retired from the Army at 100% disability. Because my arteries were trying to stop pumping blood my doctor told me I needed regular, vigorous exercise and an healthy diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol. As part of that new life, I was going to return to this blog and write an amazing story about a heart patient, that made a huge comeback after surgery, and got back into marathon running, and then ultramarathons. I was going to serve as an inspiration for thousands of people who have heart problems and encourage them to never give up and to follow their dreams. The only problem with that amazing vision is that I never got over the fear of running with a heart condition. Every time my chest tweaked in any manner at at all, I assumed I was having a heart attack, or my heart was going to give out, or that there was another blocked artery. By the time I got over the worst of that and was convinced I wasn't going to drop dead at any second I had gained about 45 lbs and was horribly out-of-shape. Well, that's not entirely true. A lot of us fat people joke that round is a shape. Let me use the word condition. I was horribly far from anything resembling good physical condition. After dropping about 25 of those 40 lbs., and had about a year's worth of running under my belt, my worst fears were realized, my heart was acting up again. One of the two remaining arteries that had not been grafted, had a blockage. Fortunately, a fairly non-invasive stent solved the problem. No rending of my rib cage, extraction of my heart, or collapsing of my lungs was necessary. At least not this time. But the mystery of why my heart keeps trying to kill me is still at large. One of the cardiologists at the VA suggested I go full vegan.  Another one suggested that I only eat fish and veggies. Woo Hoo, I get to stop eating anything that resembles fun and is tasty.  The alternative option is dying. For those of you who are vegan or vegetarian and are now angry and screaming at the computer screen that eating plants can be tasty, please just stop.  Vegan cheese is an abomination.  Vegan meat, is an oxy-moron and is stupid.  Although, I have to admit, that Field Roast brand sausages are pretty decent. I discovered those through Purple Carrot. I will do a review of Purple Carrot another day. But I digress... badly...moving on.... 

So, 5 and a half years later I am sitting at 210 lbs (still about 30 over what I was when I left the Army but about 15 down from my highest weight ever). And I haven't run or worked out in about 2 months.  I have some great excuses though! I have a wicked case of tendonitis in my right arm from lifting. While that justifies my absence at the gym and avoidance of free weights and machines, its no excuse for not running. I do have back problems and knee issues from 12 years as a paratrooper. But again, more excuses, as I'm fine more often than not. So why don't I run? I just got lost in my own dense forest of excuses and laziness. That's the real issue. No freaking personal discipline. I got lost in the woods. I couldn't see the forest through the trees. It's a jungle out there my friends.   

I need exercise. I am a nicer person when I do it. It's my moving meditation. It relieves stress, of which I have plenty. I have a corporate job like many of you. I have a large family that is constantly moving in a million directions. I have a lot of self-inflicted issues that I'm dealing with like many of you. I have a lot of family issues that I am dealing with like many of you. I have diagnosed depression and anxiety and PTSD. However, these are all excuses to not do what I know I need to be doing. This paragraph is supposed to be about why I should be working out and eating well. But that is what we do so often isn't it? We get side tracked and miss the entire point. The glass is half-empty and these are all the reasons I can't fill it. I run because it clears my mind. I run because it makes me a happier, nicer person. I run because it's good for my body. I run because it helps me focus. I run because it helps me solve problems and have brilliant thoughts. I run because it once saved my life. No, it saved my life twice. Literally. Running made me feel invincible once. I put one foot in front of the other no matter the obstacles. I started and I refused to quit until I reached my goal. I found a way. That is what running teaches you. That you can go anywhere and do anything if you just put one foot in front of the other and refuse to quit.  

That's what this here blog post is about. It's not about sharing anything with anyone in particular. It's not about inspiring the hundreds or the thousands. It's about me chastising myself for being lazy. Hoping that I will take some personal accountability and get out there and start taking care of myself. Sleep right. Eat right. Exercise. I'm writing myself to remind myself why it is so important that I get back on track. I'm trying to convince myself to start. To get up early one morning, no matter how tired I feel, and simply put one foot in front of the other. Forget the temperature. Forget the time it takes to do it.  Forget how awesome I USED to be. Forget everything and every excuse. Just start. Then refuse to quit.  

Wilie E Coyote

I saw this cartoon several months after I had run the Marine Corps Marathon in 2008 and realized that this was me...

Two weeks after I finished the marathon I went out to do an easy 13 miles on a rather beautiful Saturday afternoon.  It was a great day for a run.  I had knocked out 11.5 miles and was feeling great, I couldn't believe how quickly I had recovered from the MCM.  As I was caught up in my thoughts of how cool I was I never saw the SUV come up from behind, drift off the road onto the shoulder I was running on, and clip my left arm.  My elbow shattered the side view mirror and ripped the housing right off the side of the truck.  The next hour is a fragmented blur of memories that include my dog trying to kill the driver of the truck that hit me, attempting to stay conscious while giving incoherent directions to a panicked dude driving me to my house. I remember my neighbor, an Army combat medic splinting my arm.  I remember a lot of blood.  I remember nearly puking when the X-ray tech tried to straighten my arm for X-rays. I remember falling in love with my 70 year old nurse when she gave me a shot of Dilauded into my IV line. Once I got the narcotics I remember a whole lot more of what happened.  

I wore a cast for the next two weeks.  I also got a trophy from my wife. It was a classic trophy with a runner on the top, only she put a sling on the runner's arm. Very funny Heather!  

Two weeks later the doctor did a secondary X-ray, and the line in my Humerus, that he thought was a hairline crack, hadn't healed at all. His conclusion was that my arm either wasn't broken or I had something very wrong with me that is preventing my arm from healing. Very fortunately, it turned out to be an "anomaly in my left Humerous".  A simple ridge that ran the length of my arm and looked like a hairline crack.  However, two weeks of no running psychologically messes with you.  But that's not the end, I got the flu. It only hit me for a day, but the after effects seemed to linger for about three weeks.  I was so weak that going to work exhausted me.  After 5 weeks of no running at all, my spirit was broken.  I had no reason to run.  No race on the horizon.  No goals. Just like our drunken Willey E Coyote.  

Finally come Feb 2009 I decided I needed to get back into the swing of things.  I ran everyday for three weeks.  It was hard.  I was just starting to feel good again when in the middle of a long run my left foot started screaming at me.  I changed up my stride and started running on my toes, and that worked for about a mile and then the daggers started shooting through my foot.  I ended up walking home.  The doctor said it was an overuse injury.  "Stay off of it for 6 weeks" he said.  6 weeks passed with no running.  By that time I was psychologically done.  Broken.  Not motivated.  Not Dedicated.  Just didn't care anymore.  It was then that I saw this cartoon of Willy E. Coyote. 

Running a marathon had been a major milestone in my life. I set a very difficult goal, made a plan, followed the plan, and accomplished the goal.  It consumer my life for an entire year and taught me I could do anything.  It was an incredibly impactful accomplishment in my life. I had mapped out every point in the journey for 12 months.  Once I hit my target I was left with no plan and nowhere to go but down, and I hadn't had the foresight to set another goal to keep me engaged at that level.  The end result was that I was now in the same situation as the comical coyote.  Now what?  I did what I set out to do.  What is next? Where is the next challenge?
 
Getting back into shape hurts.  It hurts your legs.  It hurts your lungs.  It really hurts your pride.  It mentally hurts you as well.  I used to be able to run X miles at X pace, but now I'm running X miles at X+Y+Z pace.   Nothing humbles a man or woman like a long run, well...maybe interval training can.  It tears you down into a whimpering, hobbling visage of your former self.  I did not enjoy that process. 

I am back down to my marathon race weight.  I did in two and half months what it took 12 months to do the first time around.  I had a lot more confidence that I could do it this time around.  I also had a lot more training and nutritional experience than the first time around.  Had I had a doctor around he/she might have yelled at me for the way I did it, but Oh well, I'm alive and it seems I'm healthy.

The moral of this long winded post is that we should never become complacent.  We always need to have a goal that we have our sights set on, some sort of challenge that pushes us to step outside of our comfort zone.  I learned that I need to have follow-up goals before I reach the 50 meter target.  The goal this time around is to run marathons in preparation for a 50 mile ultra marathon in preparation for a 100 mile ultra marathon.  That alone will keep me busy for the next few years.  However, applying lessons learned, I will keep adding to the list of goals long before I get anywhere near goal accomplishment.   NEVER STOP CHALLENGING YOURSELF.  If you find that you are comfortable in life, you are not growing.  There is no growth in comfort mode and no comfort in growth mode.  Don't be like Wiley E.  

Why I Run.

The very beginning of October of 2007 I had just gotten back from Paraguay and my company (I'm Army) took a PT test.  I did fairly well, scoring in the 270 range (out of a possible 300).  After every PT test, as those of you in the Army know, there is a height and weight test.  I had never passed my weight, always being a bit over the maximum and for those like me there is a "tape test".  Your leaders pull out a tape measure and measure your chest and belly and then plug the numbers into a chart that magically determines your body fat percentage which is based off the BMI standards.  As long as you are under the prescribed body fat limits, you pass, which I always did, and this time was no exception.  However, after the tape test my 1st Sergeant pulled me aside and said "Engel, I know you are a bit older than most of soldiers in this company, and so the Army allows you a little more body fat than the younger kids.  But you barely slid under the line on this test.  You need to lose some weight."

As I walked out of his office and I was processing the conversation I realized that he had just called me fat.  My immediate reaction was, "yeah but I scored a 270+ on my PT test, that puts me in the top 10% of the company, easily, maybe even the top 5%."  However, that lame justification didn't ease the embarrassment I was still feeling.  My 1st Sergeant called me fat!

I was 5'10" and weighed 203 that day.  Not the heaviest I've ever been but close.  I went home and talked to my wife, Heather about what had happened.  I did some internet research and found that swimming and running were two of the exercises that burned the most calories.  I had run cross country a little in high school.  I had run for about a year before joining the Army and so, based on my experience and interest, I settled on running.  

Oh man! Running everyday really sucked...a lot.  I was persistent though, at least for the first three weeks.  At the end of three weeks I was still feeling sore and achy and so I missed a day or two here and there using my aching legs as an excuse.  It was at this point I realized that things were only going to go downhill from there as I had gone through this particular routine several times before. I'm sure many of you can relate.  You get excited, start a new diet or exercise routine and soon afterwards the reality sets in, life sets in, your body is angry about messing with the status quo and whammy.... new routine dies an inglorious death.  This time I was three weeks in and it was already going downhill. In order to keep it up, I knew I needed more motivation than the fact that my boss at work thought I was a lard butt.

While I was contemplating what I could do to change the course of events I was experiencing I somehow got the crazy notion in my head that I could run a marathon. I thought that since I had a hard time running 3 miles it would take forever to run a marathon and so training for such a long race would keep me engaged for a while, thus keep me on a path of weight loss and fitness.  So, I started researching for a marathon about a year out and found the Marine Corps Marathon: the People's Marathon.  It was set for the end of October of 2008, and it is held in Washington D.C., one of my favorite cities to visit.  With one year to train, I thought that was plenty of time...right??   To keep the motivation at maximum I decided to run one road race each month in preparation.  First I would run 5ks in Jan, Feb and Mar.  Then I would go for 10ks in Apr, May, and June,  1/2 Marathon in July, Aug and Sept and then the big one in Oct.  I thought my plan looked pretty dang good on paper. But all sorts of absolute insanity looks good on paper.  I mean on paper Wiley E. Coyote could strap an Acme rocket to his back and snag him a little road runner snack. And we all know how that always ended up!  

I trained diligently and ran my first ever road race on 1 Jan 2008.  A 5k up in Raleigh.  What kind of looney bird got up a 6am on New Year's Day to run 5k in the freezing (literally) cold?  It was a great race.  Each month I saw improvement in my times.  Each day I decided I didn't want to run I realized I had already registered for a race that was just a couple of weeks out and I needed to train for it. This was a level of brilliance that I hadn't anticipated but was a happy result of forward planning and registering for all those races in advance while I was still super motivated.  I mean, missing one day of training could be justified as a 'Recovery Day'.  But miss two days and then I started stressing about whether or not I would be ready for the next race right around the corner.  It really didn't allow for much down time, which in my case was good. I needed the discipline and motivating force to keep me on target.  Success comes from consistency.  Even a consistent weak effort will produce results.  

In the course of all that training I also learned a lot about running.  Some distances and races I started out too fast and was burnt by the end while other races I started too slow and missed my target time.  By the time I was about 7 or 8 months into training I was starting to learn how to manage my speed throughout the race. I had also built up enough endurance that I could push harder and recover while still holding a strong pace.  In June of 2008 I finally found a pace that I could stick to the whole way through a race, just in time for the Army 10 miler on Fort Bragg. This was a great race and a real gut check. I was fighting the longest race I had ever run and I did it in the heat and humidity of Fort Bragg in June. It was a personal best at that pace, I hit my target time, and put everything I had learned together so that I could actually race like a road racer! I was well on my way to October's marathon but still had a long way to go to complete 26.2.  

October did finally roll around and I did complete the Marine Corps Marathon.  I finished all 26.2 miles.  I never walked, except for the water stations to get water and food, but that was part of the plan and it worked out.  4 hours and 29 minutes of pure running.  I finished it though.  There was a time in my life I thought that running a marathon was impossible. I taught myself that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to and worked for.  I was 20 lbs lighter, weighing in at 183 the morning of the marathon. my cardiovascular health was phenomenal. I felt invincible after that race.  I felt like I could do anything I set my sights on, it just required a goal, a plan to accomplish that goal and the determination to stick to the plan. My times on my 2 mile run portion of the Army PT test were also much faster, though I still struggled to max out the running portion of the test, to many people's surprise.  I could easily max push-ups and sit-ups but at best could score a 90 to 95 on the running portion.  I could run long, just not fast.  

I learned in that year of training that running is my self esteem booster.  It allows me to feel good about myself, it takes out a bit of the guilt out of eating an entire large pepperoni pizza.  It helps me to enjoy the outdoors, the quiet, and helps me to clear my head and put things into perspective.  I've had some great ideas while running.  I've burned off steam, frustration, and irritation while running.  Running makes me nicer.  It has also become a metaphor for life.  Any problem in life can be compared to running in some way, shape or form.  Running is motivating.  I love to read stories from people whose lives have been changed, improved or pulled out of the muck by running.  I love to read the stories of people who overcome seeming insurmountable obstacles and used running to do it.  If a blind guy can run a marathon then why can't I?   If a guy with no legs can run a marathon then why can't I?  If a 65 year old heart attack victim can qualify for Boston than why can't I.  If a guy that never ran a day in his life picks up running at 55 and becomes a Master's running champion then why can't I?   Hearing those stories strips away my excuses and then I can think back to the day when I crossed the finish line right by the Iwo Jima Memorial in Washington D.C.  And I know that there is nothing I cannot accomplish if I just start plodding along, one step at a time, until I get there. In the long run you an accomplish anything with consistency and a determined effort.